


Three Idiots and The search for Goatman

by FallenAngelPup



Series: Sanders Sides x Buzzfeed Unsolved [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: A plot twist near the end, Based On Buzzfeed Unsolved, Deceit Sanders Has a Different Name, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Mentions of sex and other mature topics, Minor Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Remus Sanders is genderfluid, Remus being Remus, Some Humor, lots of cussing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:28:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23490916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenAngelPup/pseuds/FallenAngelPup
Summary: Just a little oneshot with the Darksides searching for the Goatman. Based on the Buzzfeed Unsolved episode featuring the Goatman.(I know, sucky summary)(Written before S.v.S Redux [5/1/2020])
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides x Buzzfeed Unsolved [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2155758
Comments: 1
Kudos: 69





	Three Idiots and The search for Goatman

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Lots of cussing, Remus being Remus, some talks about sex (brief and meant to be humorous), a small parts talking about blood, cultists and stuff, also Remus is Genderfluid and goes by Rem 
> 
> Leave a kudos and a comment (especially if I left a tag out)
> 
> (Written before S.v.S Redux [5/1/2020])

Characters 

  * Virgil
  * Devontae aka Dee (Deceit)
  * Rem (Genderfluid Remus name)



* * *

~Location: Goatman’s Bridge in Denton County, Texas~

Virgil: Are we there yet?

Devontae: yeah, in the parking lot now *he pulls into the lot and gets into the first couple empty spaces*

Rem: *putting their hair in a ponytail, yawns* why the fuck are we doing this again

Dee: Cause Virgil wanted to find some proof about the Goatman

Virgil: Seriously, weird shit happens at night with this bridge. Even during day. Do you remember the story?

Dee: Yeah, yeah, guy and his friend were on the bridge. Guy gets off bridge, friend gets dragged into the water

Virgil: BY GOATMAN!!

Rem: …So we are gangbanging the Goatman?

Virgil: …No, we’re going to try to communicate with him, maybe find out his origins, see what he is trying to do in this world

Rem: Probably starting up some hot satanic gangbang orgies

Virgil: He does not!!

Dee: Rem stop talking abut orgies

Rem: No promises

Dee: Virgil stop yelling and go get your stuff

Virgil: Fine *gets out the car and opens the trunk*

Dee: *Fixes his coat*

Rem: *puts on their jacket* Can we get Wendy’s when we are done with this

Dee: You read my mind darling *kisses Rem’s forehead*

Rem: mmm

Dee: *nuzzles Rem’s forehead*

Rem: *Smiles* hehe *gets out the car* alright, what do we need

Virgil: *Setting up his camera* Camera, holy water, candles, chalk and rock salt

Dee: Camera for catching evidence, holy water is a buncha bullshit, candles and chalk to do a risky demon summoning and salt, so you don’t get possessed

Virgil: hey, I got the holy water from an actual church, so it’s real and not bullshit

Dee: *Rolls his eyes* and for what use are you going to use the holy water

Virgil: *pulls out a small water gun* Something chases us, I spray it

Rem: so you couldn’t just spend money on a real gun *holds the water gun* I mean, real gun would do some damage

Virgil: If Goatman is a demonic entity then shooting him isn’t going to do shit

Dee: He has a point there

Virgil: See, thank you

Dee: But water isn’t going to do shit on Goatman, he’s a stronger demon

Virgil: How would you know; you don’t study the paranormal things like I do

Dee: So that makes you an expert then

Virgil: More of an expert than y-

Rem: Can both of you shut up, I want to get to Wendy’s before they close, and you Virgil wanted to be here for a least two hours before my brother picks you up

Virgil: *Sighs* yeah, yeah, your right *turns on his camera* Rem, you wanna put the candles and salt in your backpack

Rem: *eating a granola bar* …*his ma nak pak (*This is my snack pack)

Dee: shush it, I’ll carry the stuff *shows his satchel bag*

Virgil: Thank you *looks through the camera* night vision is a go, let’s head to the bridge

.

.

Virgil: *filming as they walk*Alright, welcome to the video, as you viewers know last time, we had a little contest to see what place we would go to next and all of you seemed to suggest coming to the Goatman’s Bridge in Northern Texas. This bridge is of course rumored to be his stomping ground, but along with that, the forest around and in it is rumored to be haunted

Rem: We’re gonna fucking die tonight

Virgil: *Turns to face Rem* no we aren’t, the holy water and salt will help up

Rem: If we are doing a summoning ritual then we are just causing more trouble

Dee: She has a point

Virgil: Why do you think we got blessed before this

Rem: It was against my will, I fucking say

Dee: I still don’t know what to say with this

Virgil: *turns and sees the bridge* alright, here we are

Rem: *About to jump on it*

Virgil: *Grabs their hood* Not yet, not yet, we need to chant a prayer for protection

Rem: *cups their hands around their mouth* HEY GOATMAN IF YOU AREN’T A COMPLETE AND TOTAL WUSS, KILL ME NOW YOU LITTLE BITCH

Dee: amazing prayer sweetheart

Virgil: THAT WASN’T THE PRAYER

Rem: Well, that’s the new prayer *gets on the bridge* let’s go

Virgil: *mutters a Latin prayer and steps on the on the bridge*

Dee: *looks around and steps on the bridge* …*mutters* _he’s going to regret this so badly_

.

.

Rem: *bouncing on their heels because they are a bored child* Virgey…Virgey

Virgil: *was describing the history* what??

Rem: When are we going to do some shit, I’m getting antsy *walking around the area that Virgil has them in*

Virgil: In a minute, let me inform the viewers *goes back to explaining*

Rem: *looks around, looks at Dee* ...hey babe...babe babe babe

Dee: yes moonlight

Rem: Whatcha doing?

Dee: checking what they got at Wendy’s...you want a frosty

Rem: *eagerly nods* 

Dee: *pets their head* cool

Rem: *turns around and looks out onto the lake* …*notices something in the further brush*

??: *a pair of glowing eyes stares at Rem*

Rem: *jumps slightly, shakes their head*

*The eyes disappear*

Rem: *thinking* “ _I’m seeing things”_

Dee: *kisses Rem’s forehead suddenly*

Rem: *Squeaks and starts blushing*

Virgil: alright, you guys ready to start communicating

Dee: I’m just here to make sure you two don’t do something stupid

Rem: I’m ready, I’m fucking bored *turns around*

Virgil: Alright, we are going to the middle of the bridge

*The three head to the middle of the bridge*

Virgil: Mysterious Goatman, we come to your bridge today in order to communicate with you, if you would like, we want to see you presence

Rem: *mutters loudly* and see your big dick

Dee: *flicks their forehead*

Rem: *starts laughing* I’m joking, I’m joking

Virgil: shhhh, we must be silent so he can think

Dee: think my ass

Virgil: *growls*

Dee: *hisses*

Rem: …*Watches the two* …*looks around a bit* …

Dee: Okay, I’m just saying that we got candles, salt and shit but you want to just act all formal

Virgil: It’s welcoming to the entity

Rem: *hands around her mouth* FUCK YOU GOATMAN!!

Dee and Virgil: Holy shit

Rem: Clearly you boys don’t know when to stop fighting so I’m taking the shots *starts jumping around and dancing on the bridge* I’M DANCING ON YOUR BRIDGE GOATMAN, DOES THIS DISPLEASE YOU?!

Virgil: Oh, holy fucking shit

Dee: Last time I checked, a shit isn't holy 

Virgil: SHUT UP!!

Rem: *aggressive dancing* COME ON GOATMAN, IF THIS DISPLEASES YOU THEN THROW ME OFF THIS BRIDGE

Virgil: Well he did drag that guy off the bridge

Rem: GOATMAN, COME AND RIP MY HEART OUT, COME FUCK ME IN THE ASS, USE NO MERCY THEN SKIN ME ALIVE

Dee: Alright, that went a little too far but *cups his hands around his mouth* TOUCH MY DARLING OR THEIR ASS AND YOU GET A ONE-WAY TRIP TO JESUS, FUCKO

Virgil: *he looks around with the camera* actually, legend says if you knock on the railing then it will summon him

Dee: ...*gives a resting face* …you just now tell us

Rem: seriously, I’m wasting my good dance moves

Virgil: you have good dance moves?

Rem: *frowns*

Dee: *Growls*

Virgil: *scared squeak* Sorry sorry

Dee: just knock on the damn railing

Virgil: *knocks on the railing three times*

*The three look around the area*

Dee: and nothing happened

Rem: *rapid knocks* OH GOATMAN!!

*Nothing happens*

Virgil: …Well, we still have the woods to check out

Dee: Bitch, I want some damn food

Virgil: And I want some fucking proof, I can feel it in my gut

Rem: *holding Dee’s hand* …come on, a few minutes in the woods can’t hurt…*doesn’t want him upset*

Dee: …*holds Rem’s hand* ...fine

Virgil: YES! YOU HEAR THAT GOATMAN, WE’RE COMING FOR YOU *starts walking and talking to the camera about the woods*

Rem: …*feels like they are being watched* ...Dee...can you carry me?

Dee: *crouches down* climb on

Rem: *gets on his back, hugging his neck* okay

Dee: *Gets back up and starts walking*

.

.

*Now in the supposed haunted forest*

Virgil: Is your phone on? *talking to Dee*

Dee: For my flashlight, why?

Virgil: Camera keeps glitching every time I point it at you

Dee: Camera is probably old as fuck

Virgil: I just got this camera last Christmas

Rem: *getting a little bit scared* …do we have to be here for long

Virgil: *looking around with the camera* We might have to go back to the bridge, all I’m seeing is graffiti and branches so far-

*some bushes rustle*

Virgil: *now looking at the bushes* ...you know, they say that lots of people have had satanic rituals here, that’s why the pet shops around here stopped selling cats cause all the cat corpses

Rem: yeah, cool, let’s get the fuck out

Dee: *rubbing Rem’s arm*

*Distance screaming occurs*

Virgil: *Turns the camera to himself* okay, guys there must be some activity with what we are hearing, we are going to continue searching

Rem: mmm

Virgil: I thought you were hyped up to be in the woods

Rem: yeah, I was, now I’m kind of scared…I was skeptic first

Virgil: We’ll be fine *starts walking around*

Dee: *sighs* ...*looks up at Rem* don’t worry darling, I got you

Rem: *nods*

*The three continue down the path*

Virgil: *hears more screaming* ...There’s more screaming

Rem: Pretty sure a hot orgy is going on

Virgil: There are no hot orgies-

Rem: *hands around their mouth again* HEY CREEPY SANTIAC CULTISTS, ARE YOU GUYS HAVING HOT SATANIC ORGIES?! GIVE US A SIGN FOR MY DUMBASS FRIEND WHO WANTED TO COME IN THIS FOREST

Virgil: Don’t pull me into this you little bitch 

Rem: YOU PULLED US INTO THIS YOU LITTLE SHIT

Virgil: AT LEAST I CAN REACH THE MAC AND CHEESE AT THE DAMN STORE

Rem: *growls*

Virgil: *Growls as well*

Dee: BOTH OF YOU, CHILL THE FUCK OUT!!!

Rem and Virgil: *go quiet* …*mutter* yes sir

Dee: that’s what the fuck I thought

.

.

Virgil: *heading down to one area*

Dee: ...any reason why we are in this spot

Rem: *Tense as fuck* 

Virgil: *Filming around the area* apparently this area is somewhat of a hotspot, some even say that when using emf-emp that Goatman might even give his name

Dee: any common ones

Virgil: Steve mostly…

Rem: Well it’s not like we have one

Virgil: *pulls one out* that’s what you think motherfucker 

Rem: *glancing around*

Virgil: made it myself with my mom’s help *Turns it on*

*The static and white noise plays*

Virgil: alright now we wait-

??: “ ** _FUCK!”_**

Dee: …welp, time to say a prayer

Virgil: *raises an eyebrow* You have a prayer, let’s hear it

Dee: Dear God…. We’re fucked!

Rem: *laughs a little bit*

Dee: *smiles*

Virgil: ...anyway...*clears his throat* Goatman! We just have a few simple questions for you. What is your name? Feel free to speak or even give a sign that you are near

??: **_Goatman_**

*A few branches break around them*

The three: *jump a bit*

Virgil: *Scared but feels daring* ...Okay, do you go by any other names?

??: **_Steve_**

Dee: Do you wish to cause any of us harm?

??: …..

Rem: ...maybe he’s being merciful-

??: **_Green …Black_**

Rem: *wearing green and black* …. *whimpers*

Dee: *holds Rem close* alright, let’s get the fuck out of here

Virgil: One more question…Why do you want to cause our friend harm

??: ….

Virgil: Maybe he’s thinking over his life choices

Dee and Rem: Bullshit

Virgil: …Goatman?

??: **_GET OUT MY WOODS!!!_**

Rem: RUN NOW MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

Dee: *runs*

Virgil: *Runs as well*

.

.

*They arrive back on the bridge*

Virgil: *panting*

Rem: *on the bridge now, trying not to puke* oh god, oh god

Dee: *getting the salt out and some matches*

Virgil: *looks over at Rem, eyes widen* …Rem, your bleeding

Rem: Wait what?! *checks themself out* …*notices three long scratches* …*starts shaking*

*The three remain at the half-way point, they start to hear hoofs on the wooden boards*

Rem: …Goatman is going to kill us

Dee: Both of you get to the car, wait 10 minutes and if I’m not there then go!

Rem: Dee-

Dee: *grabs Rem and kisses their lips* …go

Rem: *blushes but hears hoof stomps(?), starts running*

Virgil: *Runs as well*

.

.

*In the car*

Rem and Virgil: *sitting on the floor of the car in the back*

Virgil: Holy shit, holy shit *bandaging up Rem*

Rem: Dee is dead, Dee is dead, oh god he’s dead

Virgil: No, no, Dee is stubborn, he won’t die that easily

Rem: Wait, so you are saying that he could die under some weird ass circumstances!!

Virgil: I-I mean-

Rem: NO FUCK YOU AND FUCK THE GOATMAN, I’M GOING TO DIE ALONE AND NOW I’M FUCKING SAD *starts crying* I’M NEVER GONNA BE ABLE TO EAT WENDY’S EVER AGAIN

Virgil: No, please don’t c- WAIT, WHAT DOES WENDY’S HAVE TO DO WITH THIS

Rem: THAT’S WHERE HIM AND I HAD OUR FIRST DATE

Virgil: HOW WAS I SUPOSSED TO KNOW?!

Rem: I DON’T KNOW

*For a solid three minutes these two argue before passing out*

.

.

Dee: *Shaking the two*…Wake up *Snaps his fingers*

Virgil: *sits up suddenly* DON’T KILL ME

Dee: …What do you want from Wendy’s?

Virgil: …. wait, what-

Rem: HUBBA *wakes up, climbs into the front and then hugs the hell out of Dee*

Dee: *Rubs Rem’s back* mm, my baby *nuzzles their forehead*

Virgil: ...h-how…there were hooves, us running…we were asleep, you...how-?

Dee: boy shut the fuck up and get this free food *Smiles*

.

.

Virgil: So um, thanks for not rating me out to Roman and saying that we all nearly died

Rem: *flips him off*

Dee: *flips him off*

Virgil: I’m also sorry we didn’t leave as soon as we heard all that weird shit in the woods

Rem: …. *holds up an octopus plush* …give it a kiss

Virgil: *blushes and then kisses the plush* there we go

Rem: Me and Dee have better sex than you and Roman

Virgil: Yeah yeah, see you next time *he leaves the hotel room and then heads to the car out front*

Rem: *looks up at Dee* …Are you going to tell him anytime soon

Dee: **_mmm, I’ll give him a few years before he can fully understand demonology, he’s still at pure amateur stage_** *his appearance changes as snake scales cover half face, his eyes change to black with yellow snake irises and his skin darkens a bit*

Rem: …. *purses their lips*

Dee: *leans down and kisses their lips* **_and don’t worry, Goatman is taken care of, he’s not going to hurt you_**

Rem: What did you do?

Dee: **_Nothing too extreme_** *sipping his soda*

Rem: …do the thing?

Dee: **_Fine, only because you got some ouchies_** …*lets his forked tongue come out* **_sssssssss_**

Rem: *blushes and smiles*

Dee: *smiles and hugs her*

.

.

.

Tv: Welcome to the morning news, today’s story: “Has the Goatman been killed?”. Here on the old Alton bridge, early morning joggers found the corpse of a large mannish but also hairy beast when getting to the halfway point of the bridge. We’re continue more on the story after the break

Roman: *eating a breakfast pocket* …. Didn’t you go to Goatman’s Bridge last night

Virgil: 0-0….

Roman: Storm Cloud?

Virgil: HOLY SHIT!!!!


End file.
